Now in her second year with IVC San Diego, Patty Graham serves in the Chaplaincy Program at Father Joe’s Villages, under the direction of Deacon John Roberts. Father Joe’s Villages is the largest provider of homeless services in the region. Through Patty’s ministry of presence and accompaniment, she reflects on the relationships and insights that have shaped her experience.
Working with the unhoused and underserved community at Father Joe’s Village on Imperial Avenue has been an eye-opening and transformative experience. What began as a simple desire to give back evolved into a deeper understanding of a complex human reality. From my first day I was struck by the comprehensive support system that Father Joe’s offers. It serves the community with the understanding that homelessness is rarely caused by a single factor but instead is often the result of intersecting challenges such as job loss, mental health struggle, substance use, domestic violence, and lack of affordable housing.
I co-facilitate two discussion groups there with the intent of creating community simply by sitting, listening, and chatting with the clients.
The Women’s Circle meets every Tuesday. The clientele include women in recovery or transitional housing, women in low-income housing, and women on the street. We begin by having each person in the circle introduce themselves and state one thing they are grateful for. This is followed by the women being invited to share “the peak and the pit” of their week. We conclude with any intentions that the women would like us to pray for.
The co-ed Ignatian Spirituality Project (ISP) group meets every Thursday at the Saint Therese of Calcutta Village affordable housing building. Unlike many in the Women’s Circle, these clients have permanent and stable housing. My co-facilitator and I follow the ISP format including a moment of gratitude, prayer at the beginning and end, a reading from the Bible, and questions to encourage group discussion about the reading.
Attendance at both groups was inconsistent at first, but with the passage of time we have grown into a more cohesive and relationship-based community. The Women’s Circle has about 5 or 6 “regulars” but attendance fluctuates given the transitional status of this group. Although these numbers are small, the power of being seen and heard can’t be underestimated. A simple conversation, a moment of acknowledgment, or treating someone with basic respect can make a meaningful difference. It reinforced for me that compassion is not just about providing services, it’s about recognizing humanity.
Father Gregory Boyle, SJ speaks of loss of relationship and the transformational power of love for those on the margins of society.
There are moments that stay with me: A very disheveled young woman emerged from what I thought was a pile of blankets on the street. She had heard me inviting another woman to the Women’s Circle and cautiously asked if she might be able to attend. What a blessing she was! She articulately spoke of isolation and her fear of worsening mental health because “no one ever wants to talk to me.” She was embarrassed by her appearance. This kept her from visiting a loved grandmother who lived in town. Her pain was palpable. She clearly struggled with her mental health, but during those moments with the other women in the Circle she was seen, heard, and supported.
In the clients I’ve listened to, warmth, insight, and an abundance of compassion emerge. They tell stories of abuse, addiction, time in prison, time on the streets, and loss of meaningful relationships. Their stories of suffering expose fragility but also reveal profound strength in carrying the unbearable. In turning to God and each other, many have found healing and the language of profound empathy, endurance, and hope. Their stories of pain, once isolating, seem to become a bridge of hope for others.
Some weeks, people come to the group just because we offer coffee and pastries. That’s OK too. There is community and connection found in coffee and light conversation.
Fr. Boyle has a beautiful reflection that captures my goal as an IVC member at Father Joe’s:
“You don’t go to the margins to make a difference. Then it is about you. But you go to the margins so that the folks at the margins make you different. Then it’s about us. And so the goal is to create a community of kinship such that God might recognize it where there is no us and them, there’s just us.”
Written by Patty Graham
